Posts from the ‘Humor/Poems by Carl D’Agostino’ Category

“SICILIAN CHILDREN BEWARE: La cucchiaio insalata legno grande – the big wooden salad spoon”


la vecchia donna gigante - the big old woman

la vecchia donna gigante – the big old woman

spoon essay

Crazy Beans Riddles by Carl D’Agostino



HOW MANY CAN YOU GUESS RIGHT?

1. What kind of beans do sailors eat?

2.What kind of beans do museum curators eat?

3. What kind of beans do horses eat?

4. What kind of beans do East Europeans eat?

5. What kind of beans do communists eat?

6. What kind of beans do cowards eat?

7. What kind of beans do violins eat?

8. What kind of beans do Martians eat?

9. What kind of beans do crazy people eat?

10. What kind of beans do urologist eat?

11. What kind of beans do track teams eat?

12. What kind of beans do Peruvians eat?

13. What kind of beans do fish eat?

14. What kind of beans are made into hats?

15. What kind of beans are good for your bones?

16. What kind of beans does the sun eat?

17. What kind of beans do flamingos eat?

18. What kind of beans do rabbits and frogs eat?

19. What kind of beans go with peanut butter?

20. What kind of beans go with bread?

ANSWERS: 1) Navy, 2) Wax, 3) Pinto, 4) Pole, 5) Red, 6) Yellow, 7) String, 8} Green, 9) Garbanzo, 10) Kidney, 11) Runner, 12) Lima, 13) Coral, 14) Velvet, 15) Marrow, 16) Corona, 17) Pink, 18) Jumping, 19) Jelly, 20) Butter.

SCORE RATINGS: 1-5 correct: You are a carnivore. 6-10 correct: You are just a can of beans. 11-15 correct: You are a fine and dandy Boston Bean. 16-20 correct: CONGRATULATIONS.  There is a free cup of coffee or hot chocolate waiting for you at your favorite cafe(two more beans!).

Happy Fathers Day(things my father told me and still does) by Carl D’Agostino


father-and-sonfatherisms

“Rejection Letter” By Carl D’Agostino


rej 1rej 2rej 3

“The Sacred Altar” by Carl D’Agostino


dresser

REPOST “FDR Has Stolen My Pizzazz” by Carl D’Agostino


“We are determined to make every American citizen the subject of his country’s interest and concern.” Carl 1937

“We are determined to make every American citizen the subject of his country’s interest and concern.” FDR 2010


The picture of me above was taken in 1908. As the viewer can see, I am at the wheel of the sailing ship known as a frigate.

This is a picture of Roosevelt taken in 2010. DOES ANYONE THINK THIS IS A COINCIDENCE? It is obvious he is stealing my Pizzazz.

ROOSEVELT IS SNEAKING HIS WAY INTO THE 2012 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

In March of 1933, I said “…there must be a strict supervision of all banking and credits and investments; there must be an end to speculation with other people’s money…”

In June of this year, this Roosevelt fellow said “…there  must be a strict supervision of all banking and credits and investments; there must be an end to speculation with other people’s money…”

DOES ANYONE SEE WHAT’S GOING ON HERE? Not only has this Roosevelt fellow stolen my dashing boating stance, he is now freely quoting me directly without attribution!

In January of 1937, I said “We are beginning to abandon our tolerance of the abuse of power by those who betray for profit the elementary decencies of life.”

In July of this year Mr. Roosevelt said “We are beginning to abandon our tolerance of the abuse of power by those who betray for profit the elementary decencies of life.” Once again the reader can witness the unashamed theft of my words. I SAY YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THIS FRANKLIN!

photo courtesy of Hake’s Auctions www.hakes.com

This is a photo of my “Man of the Hour” mantel clock. It was made in 1908 when I started my campaign against the crooked “banksters” and their criminal practices in our financial institutions.

photo courtesy of Hake’s Auctions www.hakes.com

This is a picture of the clock the Roosevelt people are cranking out by the millions since January 2010. They have taken my clock and put his head on it! DO YOU PEOPLE REALLY THINK I WOULD NOT CATCH THIS CHICANERY?

Let me remind the reader and Mr. Roosevelt that I have been fighting against the “banksters” for 75 years. In 1904, Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin’s kinsman, employed similar trickery. He combined the progressive agenda of the North Eastern Establishment, the government modifications in Minnesota, and the Populism of the South and West to defeat William Jennings Bryan in the presidential election. Theodore had the nerve to then proudly proclaim “I stole Bryan’s thunder!” However, Franklin, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO STEAL MY PIZZAZZ.

(repost)FAMOUS DEATHBED LAST WORDS by Carl D’Agostino


“Those fellows sure were a bunch of cutups.” Julius Caesar

“Lights out.” Thomas Edison

“Sign out time.” John Hancock

“We should have opened a travel agency.” The Wright brothers

“Fire that security guard.” Abe Lincoln

“I’m headed for home.” Babe Ruth

“Is it still raining?” Noah

“We didn’t need lawyers when I was young.” Moses

“It’s too dark in here.” Edgar Allen Poe

“Anyone seen my watch and wallet?” Sherlock Holmes

“Three strikes and you’re out.” Jimmy Hoffa

“My feet are killing me.” Marco Polo

“Whaddya mean you don’t believe me?” Richard Nixon

“See ya tomorrow.” Fred the Optimist

“It hurts when I laugh.” Bozo the Clown

“Why did I do it? I hate cherry pie, that’s why.” George Washington

“I wanna divorce.” Henry VIII

“I feel seasick.” Columbus

“Things will get better.” Herbert Hoover

“No man’s an island.” Robinson Crusoe

“Eviction sucks.” Adam and Eve.

“See ya in heaven.” Ray Charles

“Hope they have carrots there.” Bugs Bunny

“About that library fine…” Dewey

“Why all the drama?” Shakespeare

“I feel chilly.” Admiral Byrd

“I feel like needles and pins.” Betsy Ross

“Must be morning.” Dracula

“Stop the train.” Billy the Kid

“Whaddya mean, I can’t take it with me? ” JP Morgan

“Cursed mosquitoes.” Walter Reed

“Just when silver hit $25.” The Lone Ranger

“I really liked string beans more.” Popeye

“I didn’t do it.” OJ Simpson

“I shouldda looked before I leaped.” Jeff the Frog

“Something smells rotten” Hamlet

“I need to wash my hands.” Lady MacBeth

“Well, at least I never grew up.” Peter Pan

“You don’t “pre” plan a funeral. That’s a redundancy.” My English teacher, Mrs. Comma

“I mean, how else was I supposed to do it?” Frank Sinatra

“This is my last sentence.” Ernest Hemingway

“Donald still lives.” Mickey Mouse

“Actually, Scarlett, I do give a damn!” Clark Gable

“Something doesn’t quite add up.” Einstein

“I still wanna know who took the strawberries.” Humphrey Bogart

“Death is part of the big picture”  Michelangelo

“Did anyone bring the marshmallows?” Joan of Arc  Submitted by Expressmom 2/16/11 Thanks !

“Does this taste funny to you?’ Socrates  Submitted by Fix It Or Deal 2/17/11 . Thanks!

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