Leave Afghanistan Now 5,800 USA Dead, 35,000 USA Returning Amputees by Carl D’Agostino
Archive for January, 2011
January 30, 2011
Carl D'Agostino
Crazy Beans Riddles by Carl D’Agostino
1. What kind of beans do sailors eat?
2.What kind of beans do museum curators eat?
3. What kind of beans do horses eat?
4. What kind of beans do East Europeans eat?
5. What kind of beans do communists eat?
6. What kind of beans do cowards eat?
7. What kind of beans do violins eat?
8. What kind of beans do Martians eat?
9. What kind of beans do crazy people eat?
10. What kind of beans do urologists eat?
11. What kind of beans do track teams eat?
12. What kind of beans do Peruvians eat?
13. What kind of beans do fish eat?
14. What kind of beans are made into hats?
15. What kind of beans are good for your bones?
16. What kind of beans does the sun eat?
17. What kind of beans do flamingos eat?
18. What kind of beans do rabbits and frogs eat?
19. What kind of beans go with peanut butter?
20. What kind of beans go with bread?
ANSWERS: 1) Navy, 2) Wax, 3) Pinto, 4) Pole, 5) Red, 6) Yellow, 7) String, 8} Green, 9) Garbanzo, 10) Kidney, 11) Runner, 12) Lima, 13) Coral, 14) Velvet, 15) Marrow, 16) Corona, 17) Pink, 18) Jumping, 19) Jelly, 20) Butter.
SCORE RATINGS: 1-5 correct: You are a carnivore. 6-10 correct: You are just a can of beans. 11-15 correct: You are a fine and dandy Boston Bean. 16-20 correct: CONGRATULATIONS. There is a free cup of coffee or hot chocolate waiting for you at your favorite cafe(two more beans!).
Forced Retirement by Carl D’Agostino
Caesar had his legions. Napoleon his continent. Pharaoh his worshipers. But with the press of a few buttons, the entire galaxy was within the cup of my hands. From the time I flew my first hand made kite as a five year old child to my first lunar assignment as a mere quartermaster to my discovery of Plexus 9, my universe has been THE universe. I have been a star ship captain.
I had to call in all my chits to extend my enlistment for this last five years and the only reason I passed the eye chart test was because I memorized it. The triple by-pass can no longer be delayed, the spring is gone from my step, and my reaction time has diminished by half. I even invoked that Billy Graham moment when asked about his retirement. He responded by relating that there was nothing in scripture about retiring from spreading the Word. It did not impress Star Fleet Command. How could they demand that my entire reason for existing ……? I suppose you can commensurate with my grief.
A professorship at the Academy has been offered. It has been suggested that my memoirs or my scientific endeavors would be most valuable training literature. Consultant offers abound. Can you imagine me advising a spare parts manufacturer on P235? I find each of these alternatives vacuous and distasteful.
Then it came upon me that I must live up to my own standards in the belief that a star ship crew deserves to have a captain at his or her optimum mental and physical potential. Any less would cheat that crew. Ultimately, the crew is the vessel. And I now must submit to being graceful about the matter. Selfishness is a trait I vehemently condemn and I must relinquish the reins of my star ship and be true to my own expectations of integrity from others. I will relish in the glorious memory that for a time I was blessed with the most extravagant blessing: I was a starship captain and my universe has been THE universe !
